HOW DO WE KNOW THAT GOD APPRECIATES OUR PRAYERS?

We’re taught to believe that God, or at least his son, Jesus Christ, is made in our own image and likeness.

One would assume that if that’s the case, he probably possesses human emotions as well.  I mean, look at how Jesus acted when he was in the Garden of Gethsemane.  He whined and cried like a little bitch when God the Father issued him instructions for the next day.  Yes, he’d have to undergo some pain and die, but it was only going to last for about three hours, and in exchange, he’d be redeeming all of mankind for our sins.

Of course, nobody likes the idea of being tortured, but consider what the American soldiers went through when they were being tortured by the Japanese for years on end during World War II.  What about the Union soldiers who suffered for years and years at Andersonville?   

Now compare those horrific experiences to a mere three hours of carrying a cross, getting nailed to it, and then getting to bleed to death relatively quickly, and then it was going to be all over!  And yet Jesus made it clear that he didn’t want to endure the suffering.  So, it appears that God has human emotions and human feelings.  Wouldn’t one also expect that he would dislike the same types of things that human beings dislike? 

Take, for example the case of Jim Jeroff.  Jeroff is an ordinary God-fearing guy from upstate New York who had testicular cancer.  His wife, Jessica would constantly pray that God either cure her husband, or at least lessen the pain he’s in.

The problem, however, is that Jeroff didn’t acquire cancer because God had forgotten about him.  Quite the opposite.  It was God who saw to it that Jeroff acquire the disease.  Still, Jessica Jeroff would pray every night, begging and pleading that her husband be cured of the disease.

And what did she get in exchange?  Nothing.  So, then she enlisted her kids to pray every night for their dad.  Still nothing.  Then her family.  Nada.  Finally, she went to her church and asked all the parishioners there to pray for her husband.

“Please God," members of the congregation implored, "please understand that Jim Jeroff is a really good man.  He doesn't deserve the pain he's in.  He loves his wife, and he’s never cheated on her.  He’s kind.  And he loves God.”

In Heaven, God reacted by biting his lip.  As a rule, the Big Guy doesn't talk to living people.  If not for that prohibition, however, he'd have loved to shut the entire congregation up.

“Jim Jeroff?  Never cheated?   I don't usually tattle on members of my flock, but if you must know, folks, Jim Jeroff certainly did cheat on Jessica in the past.  Yes, and he did so many times.

"Of course, not that it’s any of your business, but that’s not why I’m punishing him.  He already went to confession on the adultery.  And he did all of his penance.  So no, I’m not punishing Jeroff because of the adultery.  The reason I gave him cancer is because he also broke my Ninth Commandment – and he did so on four different occasions, all in the last three years.  For a while there, it seemed as if practically every time he’d have occasion to be in the company of his neighbor’s wife, he’d covet.  Not always, but most of the time.  And he never once acknowledged his impure thoughts in the confessional.

"Now, just one instance of coveting thy neighbor's wife is enough for me to send Jeroff to hell for eternity, so clearly he’s getting a very good deal with just the cancer.  I'm allowing him to do his penance here on earth. 

"Still, his family and fellow parishioners have the audacity to annoy me, interrupting me while I’m working, praying and begging and trying to out-think me.  I can hear them now, 'Please, please, please, please, please!'"

“Oh, I wish they'd all just shut up and mind their own business!   Who ever came up with this idea that I like it when people bother me at all hours of the day and night, constantly questioning my decisions?  And it not just one person belaboring the point, they get all of their friends and family, and sometimes even strangers, to help them. 

"They train their kids to annoy me every night right before they go to bed.  And the kids do exactly as they're told.  There's this one little child who every night, says the same damned stuff.  'God bless Mommy and Daddy;  God bless Grandma and Grandpa;  God bless Aunt Shaniqua and Uncle Rolondo;  God bless baby Khalif;  God bless my dead brother, Jamarcus;  God bless . . . .'

"What?  Wait a second!  You want me to bless your dead brother?  Your dead brother?  There’s no need for you to pray for your dead brother because he's already dead!  And, if you must know, he’s serving eternity in hell, so you can kiss any hope of redemption for him goodbye!  ’Bless my dead brother. . . ‘    I don't believe it. 

"And that’s not the worst part. The worst part is when they go behind my back and pray to my mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and ask her to intercede to get me to change my mind.  Everyone knows how hard it is for me to say no to my mother.  But damn it!  I can’t allow a precedent to be established on this. 

“Stop this nonsense or I’ll send down plague and pestilence the likes of which you’ve never seen or heard of before.  I'll go old testament on you!”

MY RESIDENTIAL CONNECTION TO U.S. PRESIDENTS

I was born in Quincy, Massachusetts, nicknamed “Birthplace of Presidents” because two of our first six presidents, John Adams and John Quincy Adams, were born there. Their birthplaces are located maybe 10 feet from the sidewalk on Independence Avenue where I used to walk on my way home from school in grades 1 through 8.

Before I married and moved to Boston, I had been a lifelong resident of tiny Norfolk County, Massachusetts, "County of Presidents.” In addition to being the birthplace of John Adams (2nd president) and John Quincy Adams (6th president), it's the birthplace of two other U.S. Presidents.

In 1917, John F. Kennedy (35th president) was born in Norfolk County's Brookline, Massachusetts, and in 1924, George H. W. Bush (41st president) was born on Adams Street in Milton, three and a half miles from Peacefield, the Adams family home located at 22 Adams Street in neighboring Quincy. Adams Street meanders through Quincy and into Milton. George Bush admitted that he was relatively unfamiliar with this fact until I informed him of it in a letter I sent him in 2008.

In the 70s, I attended law school in Washington, D.C., "Home of the President."

After graduation, I moved to California, but that didn't prevent me from continuing my residetial connection to U.S. Presidents. In the 90s, I lived in Rancho Mirage, "Playground of the Presidents." The city adopted this nickname because starting in the 60s, presidents visited there on a regular basis. Rancho Mirage's Eisenhower Medical Center is named after the ex-president who spent a great deal of his retirement golfing there, and Rancho Mirage resident Frank Sinatra built a guesthouse fit for a president for a visit from JFK, who actually never came. The president did visit California, but stayed with the less controversial Bing Crosby instead, which infuriated the hot-tempered Sinatra no end.

In 1969 Richard Nixon established the precedent of a New Years presidential visit to the Rancho Mirage estate of Ambassador Walter H. Annenberg. The vast estate is located at the intersection of Bob Hope Drive and Frank Sinatra Drive, and from then until the ambassador's death in 1999, every Republican president spent the New Years holiday at Annenberg's estate in Rancho Mirage, "Playground of the Presidents."

I wonder if there's a "Final Resting Place of Presidents?"

THREE AMERICANS

Josiah Quincy III, William Randolph Hearst & Mark Joseph Sullivan

The intersection of the lives of Josiah Quincy III, William Randolph Hearst, and Mark J Sullivan encompasses the entire history of the United States of America.

Josiah Quincy III

On February 4, 1772, future lawyer, educator and political figure Josiah Quincy III was born on Marlborough Street in Boston. 

Quincy attended Harvard College, and went on to become a lawyer, but he was drawn to public service. Upon his election to Congress, he moved to Washington, D.C. to serve in the U.S. House of Representatives.

Quincy also served as a judge, Mayor of Boston and President of Harvard College. The historic Quincy Market which still existes in downtown Boston is named in his honor.  Josiah Quincy retired to his family’s farm in Quincy and died there on July 1, 1864.

William Randolph Hearst

On April 29, 1863, in the middle of the American Civil War, future Congressman, newspaper owner and publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst was born in San Francisco, California.

Like Quincy, Hearst studied at Harvard and ran for public office. He moved to Washington, D.C. after being elected to the House.

After serving in Congress, Hearst became an immensely wealthy and successful newspaper publisher. He lived most of his adult life in Southern California, building and living in his magnificent castle at San Simeon. 

Hearst died in Beverly Hills on August 14, 1951.

Mark J Sullivan

            On January 17, 1946, future attorney Mark Joseph Sullivan was born in Quincy, Massachusetts.

He lived on Marlborough Street in Boston while attending the University of Massachusetts, graduating magna cum laude in 1972.

He then moved to Washington to attend American University’s Washington College of Law. He graduated in 1974 and took the California Bar Exam.

Sullivan was admitted to the California Bar in 1974, and started his law career in San Francisco.  In 1979, he moved to Southern California. He practiced in Beverly Hills for two years before moving to Palm Springs where he established his current practice. He has continually resided and practiced in Palm Springs since 1981.

WHAT THE THREE HAVE IN COMMON

MARK J SULLIVAN:         

Born, Quincy, Massachusetts;

Lived on Marlborough Street in Boston

Attended college in Boston

Moved to Washington, D.C.

Became a Lawyer;

Started practicing law in San Francisco;                                  

Practiced in Beverly Hills;

Spent later years in Southern California

JOSIAH QUINCY III

Born, Boston, Massachusetts;

Lived on Marlborough Street in Boston;

Attended college in Boston;

Became a Lawyer;

Moved to Washington, D.C.;

Retired to Quincy, Massachusetts;

Died, Quincy, Massachusetts.

WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST:

Born, San Francisco, California;

Attended college in Boston;
Moved to Washington, D.C.;
Spent later years in Southern California;
Died, Beverly Hills, California.

THE SIGNIFICANCE

JOSIAH QUINCY III (February 4, 1772 - July 1, 1864) was born four years before the signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776.

WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST (April 29, 1863 - August 14, 1951) was born a year before QUINCY’S death on July 1, 1864.

MARK J SULLIVAN (January 17, 1946 - ) was born five years before HEARST’S death on August 14, 1951.

The combined lifespan of these three individuals from February 4, 1772 to the present extends throughout the entire history of the United States, starting before the Declaration of Independence was signed and continuing to this day.

In other words, there's never been an event in the nation’s history that didn’t occur while at least one of these three individuals was alive.

BIRTH NAMES OF FUTURE AMERICAN FIRST LADIES

Answers:


Elizabeth Bloomer, (Elizabeth Ann Bloomer)                      Betty Ford
Anne Robbins, (Anne Frances Robbins)                             Nancy Reagan
Thelma Ryan, (Thelma Catherine Ryan)                             Pat Nixon
Eleanor Smith, (Elizabeth Roselyn Smith)                           Roselyn Carter
Claudia Taylor, (Claudia Alta Taylor)                                   Lady Bird Johnson
Elizabeth Wallace, (Elizabeth Virginia Wallace)                   Bess Truman

The rest are listed below in reverse chronological order going all the way back to the 30's, and are all way too easy.  Especially the last one! 

Michelle LaVaughn Robinson           

Laura Lane Welch                                                     

Hillary Diane Rodham                                              

Barbara Pierce                                                                       

Jacqueline Lee Bouvier                                              

Mamie Geneva Doud                                    

Anna Eleanor Roosevelt                                                      

WHO KNOWS THE START TIME FOR THE SUPER BOWL?

Wow, The Huffington Post came through for all of us NFL fans who needed to know the answer to the one question which had been so elusive all week long, an answer that we couldn't have found out for ourselves from simply looking at the TV Guide, or by looking at the tickets, and that's what time the game was scheduled to start.

Under the headline, "All You Want to Know About the Super Bowl," they wrote:

The New York Football Giants will collide with the New England Patriots in Indianapolis for the 46th Super Bowl starting at 6:30 PM ET on February 5, 2012. That doesn't mean that kickoff will happen exactly at that time though, as a few minutes of leeway must be given for things like the coin-flip, the national anthem, and the flyover (we recommend DVR just in case you forget).

It's so helpful for a news medium like HuffPost to give us inside information that the NFL seemed to have been keeping secret from its fans all this time.  But they're also cautious enough to remind us (and the players and coaches as well) that there are certain unpredictabilities, factors that one doesn't often see at pro football games, and the duration of which is difficult if not impossible to predict.

For example, did it ever occur to those who set the schedule for events like this that, unlike in other NFL games, regular season or playoffs, that there has to be a coin flip? The Huffington Post didn't forget.  But because they're so rare, how would anyone ever be able to predict how long a coin flip would take?

I mean, who knows, you might have the same situation we had in 1986 when President Reagan did the honors.  That was when he was so out of it that he forgot to let the coin fall to the ground. Remember how he flipped the coin in the air,  then immediately caught it with both hands, and held them out to the official, seemingly amazed at his own dexterity, and looked around as if to say, "Now, what the fuck am I supposed to do, Mommy?  Mommy?"

The answer is, you have to do the flip over again, Numb-nuts, and this time you're supposed to let the coin drop to the ground.

And then just back off. We have it covered from here, Gipper. At that point, it's time for you as president to let the private sector take over.  I mean, you and your government can't be the answer to everything, right?  You're not the solution, Mr. President.  You and your government are the problem, remember?

Then there was the time that Governor Schwarzenegger was called upon to do the coin flip at an NFL game in San Diego. Always careful to be neutral, the Governator walked to the middle of the field, grabbed the mike and yelled out, "Go Chargers!"  Then, he proceeded to do something that he apparently had never done before.  He tossed the coin.  But he tossed the coin on to the ground the same way a poker player might deal a hand of Texas Hold 'Em.   He pinched the coin like a cigarette in between the tips of his index and middle fingers and sailed it toward the ground.

Nice, Arnold, but the whole idea of a coin flip is that the coin is supposed to flip, not to simply sail to the ground, same side up as when you tossed it.

So, clearly, even though the coin flip at an NFL game (if it has ever ocurred before) is supposed to take between 45 and 48 seconds, who knows what might happen that might cause it to take longer, say 50 or 55 seconds?

So it's always nice for the Huffington Post to warn us that we should set aside "a few minutes of leeway for the coin flip . . .."

Then, there's the National Anthem. Here's another wild card that is a totally unpredictable event in terms of time.  Oh, sure, you can say that usually it takes between a minute and 4 and a minute and 7 seconds, but who's to know exactly? What if some shit-for-brains goes and forgets the words? Okay, that wouldn't necessarily affect the duration of the melody, but how can we know that?

Then, lastly, according to HuffPost, there's the amount of time that we have to set aside for the fly-by.

As Italian cruise ship Captain Francesco Schettino can attest, one never can tell how much time a fly-by might take. The last one he tried has already taken three weeks, and it hasn't even been completed yet!

Plus, there's all that time it takes to get the jet planes ready and fueled up, there's the take-off, all the practice, etc.

Oh, yeah, we don't have to wait for all that, do we. All we have to do is look up and see them flying by. Well, who knows, the fly-by might take 8.03 seconds, or it might take 8.03 seconds. Yes, that's the one thing that would seem to be totally predictable and on schedule, huh.

But still, there's the 4 seconds, give or take, on the coin flip, especially if you have a retarded politician doing it, and the extra 2 seconds that an entertainer might take on the National Anthem.  So no wonder the HuffPost says that you have to make an allowance for "a few minutes of leeway," just in case.

Thanks, guys.

WE JUDGE A SOCIETY ON HOW IT TREATS ITS SENIORS, AND HOW IT TREATS CONVICTED CRIMNINALS

In our society, we treat our seniors differently from the way we treat convicts.  The privileged group gets the following:
Access to showers, hobbies and walks;

Unlimited free prescriptions;
Free dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc;

The ability to earn a little money;

Constant video monitoring, and access to instant help in case of a fall or the need for assistance;

Bedding that is washed twice a week;
Clothing that's washed and returned to them ironed;

A guard checking on them every 20 minutes;
Someone bringing meals and snacks to their room;

Family visits in a suite built for that purpose;

Access to a library and a weight room;
Access to spiritual counseling and education;

Free basic clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's;
Free legal aid;

Private, secure rooms;
Outdoor exercise yard with gardens;

One's own TV and radio;
Daily phone calls;

A Board of Directors to hear complaints;
Guards with a code of conduct that’s strictly adhered to.

The seniors, on the other hand, get the following:
Cold food;
Being left alone and unsupervised;

Lights off at 8:00 pm;
Showers once a week;

A tiny room for which they pay $3,900.00 per month;
And no hope of ever getting out.   

MY CONNECTION WITH THE PRESIDENTS

I was born in Quincy, Massachusetts, nicknamed “Birthplace of Presidents” because two of our first six presidents, John Adams and John Quincy Adams, were born there.  Their birthplaces are located maybe 10 feet from the sidewalk on Independence Avenue where I used to walk on my way home from school in grades 1 through 8. 

Before I married and moved to Boston, I had been a lifelong resident of tiny Norfolk County, Massachusetts, "County of Presidents.”  In addition to being the birthplace of John Adams (2nd president) and John Quincy Adams (6th president), it's the birthplace of two other U.S. Presidents. 

In 1917, John F. Kennedy (35th president) was born in Norfolk County's Brookline, Massachusetts, and in 1924, George H. W. Bush (41st president) was born on Adams Street in Milton, three and a half miles from Peacefield, the Adams family home located at 22 Adams Street in neighboring Quincy.  Adams Street meanders through Quincy and into Milton.  George Bush admitted that he was relatively unfamiliar with this fact until I informed him of it in a letter I sent him in 2008. 

In the 70s, I attended law school in Washington, D.C., "Home of the President." 

After graduation, I moved to California, but that didn't prevent me from continuing my residetial connection to U.S. Presidents.  In the 90s, I lived in Rancho Mirage, "Playground of the Presidents."  The city adopted this nickname because starting in the 60s, presidents visited there on a regular basis.  Rancho Mirage's Eisenhower Medical Center is named after the ex-president who spent a great deal of his retirement golfing there, and Rancho Mirage resident Frank Sinatra built a guesthouse fit for a president for a visit from JFK, who actually never came.  The president did visit California, but stayed with the less controversial Bing Crosby instead, which infuriated the hot-tempered Sinatra no end.

In 1969 Richard Nixon established the precedent of a New Years presidential visit to the Rancho Mirage estate of Ambassador Walter H. Annenberg.  The vast estate is located at the intersection of Bob Hope Drive and Frank Sinatra Drive, and from then until the ambassador's death in 1999, every Republican president spent the New Years holiday at Annenberg's estate in Rancho Mirage, "Playground of the Presidents."

I wonder if there's a "Final Resting Place of Presidents?"