Wow, The Huffington Post came through for all of us NFL fans who needed to know the answer to the one question which had been so elusive all week long, an answer that we couldn't have found out for ourselves from simply looking at the TV Guide, or by looking at the tickets, and that's what time the game was scheduled to start.
Under the headline, "All You Want to Know About the Super Bowl," they wrote:
The New York Football Giants will collide with the New England Patriots in Indianapolis for the 46th Super Bowl starting at 6:30 PM ET on February 5, 2012. That doesn't mean that kickoff will happen exactly at that time though, as a few minutes of leeway must be given for things like the coin-flip, the national anthem, and the flyover (we recommend DVR just in case you forget).
It's so helpful for a news medium like HuffPost to give us inside information that the NFL seemed to have been keeping secret from its fans all this time. But they're also cautious enough to remind us (and the players and coaches as well) that there are certain unpredictabilities, factors that one doesn't often see at pro football games, and the duration of which is difficult if not impossible to predict.
For example, did it ever occur to those who set the schedule for events like this that, unlike in other NFL games, regular season or playoffs, that there has to be a coin flip? The Huffington Post didn't forget. But because they're so rare, how would anyone ever be able to predict how long a coin flip would take?
I mean, who knows, you might have the same situation we had in 1986 when President Reagan did the honors. That was when he was so out of it that he forgot to let the coin fall to the ground. Remember how he flipped the coin in the air, then immediately caught it with both hands, and held them out to the official, seemingly amazed at his own dexterity, and looked around as if to say, "Now, what the fuck am I supposed to do, Mommy? Mommy?"
The answer is, you have to do the flip over again, Numb-nuts, and this time you're supposed to let the coin drop to the ground.
And then just back off. We have it covered from here, Gipper. At that point, it's time for you as president to let the private sector take over. I mean, you and your government can't be the answer to everything, right? You're not the solution, Mr. President. You and your government are the problem, remember?
Then there was the time that Governor Schwarzenegger was called upon to do the coin flip at an NFL game in San Diego. Always careful to be neutral, the Governator walked to the middle of the field, grabbed the mike and yelled out, "Go Chargers!" Then, he proceeded to do something that he apparently had never done before. He tossed the coin. But he tossed the coin on to the ground the same way a poker player might deal a hand of Texas Hold 'Em. He pinched the coin like a cigarette in between the tips of his index and middle fingers and sailed it toward the ground.
Nice, Arnold, but the whole idea of a coin flip is that the coin is supposed to flip, not to simply sail to the ground, same side up as when you tossed it.
So, clearly, even though the coin flip at an NFL game (if it has ever ocurred before) is supposed to take between 45 and 48 seconds, who knows what might happen that might cause it to take longer, say 50 or 55 seconds?
So it's always nice for the Huffington Post to warn us that we should set aside "a few minutes of leeway for the coin flip . . .."
Then, there's the National Anthem. Here's another wild card that is a totally unpredictable event in terms of time. Oh, sure, you can say that usually it takes between a minute and 4 and a minute and 7 seconds, but who's to know exactly? What if some shit-for-brains goes and forgets the words? Okay, that wouldn't necessarily affect the duration of the melody, but how can we know that?
Then, lastly, according to HuffPost, there's the amount of time that we have to set aside for the fly-by.
As Italian cruise ship Captain Francesco Schettino can attest, one never can tell how much time a fly-by might take. The last one he tried has already taken three weeks, and it hasn't even been completed yet!
Plus, there's all that time it takes to get the jet planes ready and fueled up, there's the take-off, all the practice, etc.
Oh, yeah, we don't have to wait for all that, do we. All we have to do is look up and see them flying by. Well, who knows, the fly-by might take 8.03 seconds, or it might take 8.03 seconds. Yes, that's the one thing that would seem to be totally predictable and on schedule, huh.
But still, there's the 4 seconds, give or take, on the coin flip, especially if you have a retarded politician doing it, and the extra 2 seconds that an entertainer might take on the National Anthem. So no wonder the HuffPost says that you have to make an allowance for "a few minutes of leeway," just in case.
Thanks, guys.
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