After the AFC Championship game back in January, Ray Lewis of the losing Baltimore Ravens was being interviewed by the national sports media. Lewis responded most graciously to questions about his teammates, two of whom were thought to have lost the game for the Ravens. He was extraordinarily kind, saying that no one man wins or loses a game.
Well, Ray, it may very well be that no player can win a game all by himself, but it sure looked to me as if one player, Lee Evans, lost it all by himself. He's the receiver for the Ravens who caught what would have been a dramatic TD pass with 22 seconds left in the game to win the playoff game and send the Baltimore Ravens to Super Bowl XLVI.
Yes, that's right, he caught it. The problem is that he didn't bother to hold onto it. He had it for a split second and while he probably allowed himself to think of how he was going to celebrate, he somehow let it be stripped from him by Patriots DB Sterling Moore on a play that turned what would have been the game winning play into a simple incomplete pass.
So, while it may be that no one person can win a game in the NFL, I can tell you that if he holds onto the ball, the Ravens would have won the game, and there never would have been an attempted 32 yard field goal to go wide left at the end. Oh, don't give me that bullshit about, "Well, there still would have been 22 seconds left." Look, the Patriots had difficulty moving the ball and scoring TDs against the Ravens all afternoon, so there's no reason to believe that they could have done so in the last 22 seconds of the game.
Anyway, during his narrative, Lewis also came up with this totally bullshit quote about God that he undoubtedly heard from some dumbass, slick-talking Bible Belt preacher man, to the effect that, "God has never made a mistake."
Hmm, your God has never made a mistake, huh Ray? You mean to tell me that everything that happens in this world has been designed by the Big Guy? Approved and executed to perfection? Because just recently, I read something about Siamese Twins who were born to a woman in Southeast Asia comprised of two bodies and only one oversized head with what appeared to be two horrific faces merged into one.
My first inclination would be to think that this had to have the result of some mistake of nature. Not according to Ray Lewis. If one were to believe Lewis, it couldn't have been a mistake, because God's responsible for everything that happens, and he’s never made a mistake.
Of course, why wouldn't anyone believe Ray Lewis on something like this? He must know what he's talking about. I mean, he's been to something like eight pro Bowls! And one murder trial, but he doesn’t like to talk about that. "I only obstructed justice! I didn't commit any murder. In fact, I'm not even sure the guy that I stabbed even died. Anyway, they got the wrong guy. It was my two co-defendants who killed him, not me. I even told the jury that."
Yes, Ray, but they didn't believe you.
Anyway, if that's an example of God's handiwork, I'd like to know exactly what the Big Guy had in mind when he allowed that to happen. One would think that he either did fuck up pretty badly, or, if Lewis is right, he has a pretty fucking sick sense of humor.
Ray Lewis can worship anyone he wants, real or fictional, including the God that designed the birth that I described, but people like me wouldn't do anything of the sort. As far as I'm concerned, I'd wouldn’t have any use for that kind of supreme being. In fact, I’d rather worship just about anyone or any entity instead of that asshole.
We see statues and other likenesses of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and she looks really pretty. I wonder if God ever gave any thought to having his son's mother born with two bodies and one oversized head and face. Or just someone who’s not particularly attractive. I guess not. I mean, how would it look for the son of God to be born to some butter-face?
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